my own hell
by Bmmonteith
Summary: *I am obliged to say there is violence.* When Inuyasha returns to his half demon self, can he stomach the destruction around him? When he realizes he is the one who caused the destruction can he accept it? When he remembers what he did to his friends, will he live with it... InuyashaxKagome (If you don't like character deaths, I suggest you don't read)


The sun was heavy in the blood red sky, reflecting that of the world it hovered over. Birds neither flew nor sang their goodnight songs, leaving the fields dead. The shadows that grew across the bloodied grass seemed to dwarf me, leaving me small and helpless; hopeless.

I was scared to look down; I have never felt so afraid. I looked at the small road to my left and back at the field I had left behind. The ground was torn; blood was pooled like little lakes in the grass. I stood still, waiting as time struck me by. Then I did it. I looked down. My red kimono was stained darker than red, almost black. I tore it off, throwing it to the round. My undershirt; once a pure, unsoiled white was also a black red from the blood. It wasn't even my blood. I looked back to the field; an action that would haunt me the rest of my unforgiving life. I tossed my head back, gripping my hair tight as I cried to the mourning sky, letting my memories flow back in broken images.

I fell to the ground, my fists balled tightly. I punched the ground, leaving indents in the solid soil. My palms bled from the force of my claws digging into my skin, but I didn't care. I allowed my tears to fall freely; knowing there was no longer anyone here to see them. I couldn't even force myself to go see the damage I had done.

My senses brought my face back into the dying light. A figure stood crippled on the edge of the road, watching me. They stumbled my way, feet shuffling and arms swaying. They tripped, hitting the ground hard. I rose to my feet, stalking closer. They started to crawl and I recognized her. She was an image out of a nightmare.

I ran full speed to her, sliding on the dirt as I neared her. I grabbed her, holding her close to my trembling body. There was nothing I could do. I tried to speak through my tears, only getting out a few moans and incomprehensible words. I was… I was not only crying. I was mourning; I was sobbing. She smelled heavy of death and blood.

"Kagome… Please stay with me. I'm so sorry." I cried harder as she reached up and caressed my face. I grabbed her cold hand with my own; the caked on blood cracking.

"Inu… Inuyasha. It's okay. It's not your fault…" I cut her off.

"It is my fault. It's all my fault… I. Kill me to Kagome… " I couldn't finish the sentence before I laid my head upon her chest, hysterical.

She laid on my lap, still. I lifted my head quickly, afraid she was gone. I felt her labored breathing through her thin school uniform. Her hair was framed around her face angelically. She looked like the Kagome I loved. Then I looked lower. Her white uniform turned black. Blood was sprayed across her front, spots, I now realized, were splattered up her neck and onto her chin. Her chest was raked open with half closed wounds, blood still seeping out onto her front. Her legs were scraped and raw. Scratched and cuts adorned her body, trailing up her arms. Everywhere I looked, she was damaged.

I only stared as the memories came back.

I chased her mercilessly, smiling as she cried and screamed. I hunted her like an animal, enjoying the chase. Others were soon surrounding me, calling to me. They called me Inuyasha, but the name meant less than nothing to me right now. I was no longer in charge. They have to get back. They surrounded me, but she stalked closer; seeming to forget her fear in the presence of her friends. I growled, threatening and warning, trying to make her understand. She continued to move in on me, her voice soothing the beast inside. I could feel him slipping back into dormancy, but he was not going quietly. I could feel him flaring up, it was too late. I roared, feeling her fear thick as fog as she fell to the ground. The beast inside flexed my claws, driving them down into the dirt where she laid. The one they call Sango grabbed her, moving her just out of my reach. No matter. I chased them, landing heavily on the demon cat. It shrieked in pain, but was dead before long.

A man cried out as he neared the women, but he was of no trouble either. I turned and attacked, leaving my claws imbedded deeply in his sternum. He looked surprised before falling with a thump to the ground. Kagome ran at me, gripping my waist tightly, begging me to return to normal. I only growled, twisting as I raked my claws against her chest. She landed at my feet.

I smiled… He smiled. I turned to the final warrior. She cried, her tears smelling of salt and fear. Hatred and anger. She raised her sword high, bringing it down with a mighty swing. Heh, I was faster. I caught it simply. Twisting it out of her grip. I pointed it towards her, pushing it deep into her abdomen. I wretched it out, watching the blood spray and seep to the parched ground.

She fell to the ground beside my feet. She crawled to the girl; to Kagome, whispering sweet lullabies and soothing words. She hovered over the convulsing girl, her wounds dripping like a faucet. I twirled her sword in my hand, gripping it tightly. I growled, "Let's finish this."

I ripped the sword lazily across her chest, blood spraying across Kagomes already soaked body. She let one final tear fall before she hit the ground, never to move again.

She took several pained breaths, looking into my eyes. "Inuyasha. Live Inuyasha. Please live." She breathed out one final time; leaving only a whisper as our final words. "Love you…"

I put her down gently, standing tall as I turned. "I. I love you too Kagome. I love you so much."

I fell to the ground, my own hatred filling and welling up inside. This. Its my own hell.


End file.
